Kind words from survivors

Are you forgiving yourself?

A wise man once said
Holding on to Anger is like holding on to a hot coal. In the end, only you get burnt

It's ok to feel angry, it's part of being human. It's healthy. But are you holding on to resentment that could actually be making you physically ill?. Remove yourself from the situations that are making you unhappy or scared, whatever it takes. You deserve to be at peace - in your home, your school, your workplace, anywhere you go you deserve to feel safe. If someone has hurt you and you can't let it go, talk to someone who can help you out and let it out in any way you can. Play the drums, sing , find healthy ways to get it out of your system. Holding on to Anger and hatred and revenge is only gonna harm you emotionally and won't change what's happened. You deserve the peace, seek it out and do what makes you feel calm. Go somewhere where you can release , vent it out, cry it out, do what you need. Just let it out in a healthy way. You'll notice that by doing so you won't end up having your anger seep out when you least expect it - including being snappy with people you love. Release it in a good way - a productive way for you and those around you

Do you lay awake at night worrying about the future?

Lots of us have done. It's not very nice to be worried about what's going to happen next.
What if's whizzing around in your mind as you are trying to sleep or focus

It's something we've all had to deal with at some point. Anxiety that feels so strong that it literally makes you feel like you can't pay attention to anything. It's ok...
I want you to know that most of what you are worried about will never happen. And if it does?
You will make it. Cross those bridges when they come, don't seek them out.
It will be alright. Things always seem scarier than they really are when you get there.

❃ If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change ✵ - Dragon

Having only 1 or 2 friends does not mean you are alone

Friends can come and go. We can probably count at least 5 we had, and had to let go.
it's natural to wish they had stayed. Sadly we can't control other people  - or fate- if you believe in it

But think of it this way. 100 fake friends, or 2 close friends who've got you ?

Many times in life we are reminded that Quality is better than Quantity.

Making plans - can sometimes make you feel trapped. As not everything goes to plan. What if you look at it through a different perspective - rather than making plans that could fall through, why not give yourself options?

You might feel as though your solution is on one path that is straightforward. In reality, it's many different paths with twists, turns, and branches, and they can all lead to a place where you are happier, healthier and safer. Are you looking at the one way road (plans) or options? the intersection where you can control where you go - leading you to the same destination you desire?


Be the driver in the vehicle, take control. You, only you, are in charge of yourself and your life choices.  
#Foodforthought

WHAT IS REPARENTING AND HOW TO BEGIN

Our childhood is where the subconscious mind is formed.

It’s also where we learn how we process emotions, what relationships look like, how to hold boundaries, and countless other habits and behaviors.

Ideally, our parents are two self actualized people who allow their children to be seen and heard as the unique individual they are. The reality is that we live in a culture that does not teach conscious awareness, so most of us are born to unconscious parents.

Unconscious parents are repeating the same habits and patterns they’ve learned. They’re operating from a wounded space because of their own unprocessed emotions.

It’s important to understand that parents can only parent from their own level of awareness.

We can only give others what we have practiced giving ourselves.

I’ve worked with all different demographics of people. Over time I’ve come to understand that most people seek help for relationship “communication problems”, destructive habits (addiction, self-sabotage), identity confusion (“Who AM I”), and generalized feelings of low-self worth.

Each of these issues manifest differently, but they’re all tied to one thing: conditioned behavior practiced since childhood.

Some of you reading this might be thinking “My childhood is over, there’s no reason to go back there.” Or “If my childhood is where I learned most of my coping mechanisms, I’m screwed.”

We tend to be protective and defensive around our childhood experience, but the truth is we have a unique opportunity to heal and consciously choose different behavior as adults. Regardless of what we have experienced in our past.

This process is called reparenting.

Reparenting is the act of giving yourself what you didn’t receive as a child.

My childhood was unique in that I had two (physically) present parents who were emotionally absent. My mom was a stay-at-home mom and my dad was home every day by 5:30 for dinner. My parents were in their mid 40’s when they had me, and there was 18 years between my brother and myself.

By the time I came around, they were highly distracted. My mom was battling severe chronic pain, and my sister (who had her own health challenges) had gone through a series of surgeries throughout her childhood and teen years. Death and illness were a constant focus.

I had zero discipline. I decided from a very young age what time I would go to bed, what I would eat, and what time I would come home. My mom spent the majority of the time in her bed. Her sickness was a focus for everyone in the home.

There was a lot of chaos and co-dependence.

This is where my anxiety began. It manifested as disordered eating, and obsessive compulsive “achievement” behavior.

Of course, this wasn’t seen as a negative. I excelled in both athletics and academics. I won awards. I was offered scholarships. I adapted, and channeled my anxiety. A lot of people don’t understand that underneath achievement behaviors is a lot of pain and unhealthy conditioning.

In my 30’s when I was no longer in school or playing sports, I got a clearer picture of more negative manifestations.

I didn’t show up for myself, my spending was out of control, I did not understand how to set (or keep boundaries), and overall had placed no focus on my physical and spiritual health.

Discovering reparenting was a game changer for me.

It was not my parents “fault.” It meant nothing about who they were as people. Or how much they loved me. They were doing the best they could with their level of awareness.

Now, it was time for me to do the best I could with my own evolved level of awareness.

Reparenting is our personal responsibility. Anyone can begin the process of reparenting themselves. It takes time, commitment, and patience. There is no quick fix. It will require you to show up every day. But it will allow you to heal and forgive.

The 4 Pillars of reparenting are:

Discipline, Joy, Emotional Regulation, and Self-care.

I go more in depth on these in a video you can watch here: [LINK]

Depending on your unique childhood experience, some of these will be more difficult than others. For me, discipline was the most difficult part. My mind had a tantrums. My childhood-self rebelled. There was no part of me that wanted to wake up early, go to the gym, or really do anything “planned.” It was a process of grieving for my past self as well as self compassion to allow me to view discipline in another way.

Another major struggle for me was finding joy. Joy is an emotional experience. It’s the product of spontaneity, play, creativity, and pure presence. It’s not something that I experienced within the home.

Part of discovering joy is learning your own unique passions and interests. This is something I had to spend time connecting to. I had to relearn “me.”

Years into the reparenting process I can say that I am truly a different person.

It’s brought me so much more confidence, empathy, and creative energy.

Here are 5 Steps to Begin:

Source The Holistic Psychologist