birthday never forgotten

so its my mums birthday today, usually I feel anger, but today I feel nothing

every year I always note the date and acknowledge it for some reason.

I know in my heart I will never speak to her again, 100 percent my choice and decision but every now and again I get a little panicked about her dying, not really because I care about her dying but more about the choice I will have to make about wether I will go to her funeral, if I did would the rest of the family be ok with that,

if I do will I be haunted by nightmares, and if I don't will I be haunted by nightmares or will I regret it.

also worried and anxious because her boyfriend and my abuser would be there also and hes someone I really wouldn't want to see.

then im also worried about her spirit bugging me after she dies.

Astraldreamer

It's ok to feel how you do right now... to feel the same way after so many years is a validation that you definitely made the right choices .. hugs

Some things we can't tackle until they come before us. I know I worry about the same, and other relatives being around at family events, funerals or not. But you have to remember that even if you do go, you shouldn't feel guilty, if you don't go, you shouldn't feel guilty either. It was not your fault and is not, and you did everything you could with all you knew at the time

aww thank you cloud x